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BesetByAints
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Name: Mark
Metro: Muscle Shoals
Birthday: 7/30/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: Spelunking, Nuking the Gay Whales, Campus Crusade for Cthulu, National Speological Society
Expertise: Similes, eating grapes, document forgery, and late-night phone calls.
Occupation: Sales
Industry: Business
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/15/2005
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| Simple advice for a happy life: never trust a pothead to be your designated DD. Chances are, he will end up totally shit-faced and you will end up footing it back to your hotel 2.9 miles in your short-sleeves in 38 degree weather in the wonderful windy conditions right beside Lake Superior because you didn't think to pack warmer clothing because September's lows back home are in the upper 70s and all the cabs in town are booked with the in-town fares, only to be offered a ride 50 yards from your destination from a likewise drunken, mullet-headed Upper Peninsula resident in an early 90s model Chrysler that smells like Taco Bell's asshole. I really wish I could feel my fingers right now, but hey! it makes a great story, right?
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| I was tagged by my lovely wife.
Rules: After posting these rules, each player proceeds to list 8
relatively random facts/habits about himself/herself. At the end of the
post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, leaving them
a comment on their blogs to let them know.
1. I have the powers of 2 memorized up to an ungodly number.
2. I once knocked on the door while my mother was in the bathroom and did not respond to her question as to who was in fact knocking on the bathroom door. She still does not know to this day that I did that.
3. I taught myself to smile in a crooked fashion because I thought that girls liked that sort of thing.
4. I would like to write, but I have the suspicion that I would lose what sanity I possess in the process.
5. There are few things that frighten me more than the idea of something being stuck underneath my fingernails.
6. I rarely follow any kind of recipe, since I do fine just winging it. This is why I suck at baking.
7. I thoroughly enjoyed the Beverly Hillbillies movie.
8. On that same note, Total Recall gets better every time I watch it.
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Due to the absolute majesty that is living in rural Alabama, I got to watch a home-grown Christmas Play presentation this past weekend. I must say that though I consider myself a quick study, I did manage to lose the plot in the midst of it. This could have been attributed to the large cast consisting of, but by no means limited to and in no particular order: Santa Claus, Mickey Mouse and the gang, Scooby Doo, Harry Potter, Shrek, clowns, dancing hippopotami, weight-lifting tigers, Batman, Cruella DeVille, the pink and red Power Rangers, Spider-Man swinging down from the rafters, the Joker, a bull-fighting mouse, fairies, McGruff the Crime Dog dancing with Elvis, a ninja, the Sesame Street crew, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Puss 'N Boots, wooden soldiers, the Lost in Space Robot, and for some strange, disquieting reason, Emperor Palpatine as well. Good times, good times.
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| Apparently, if I were to go on a commission-only basis, my pay would increase by about $450. A week. Hrm...
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| I know that there are some out that insist that God does not in fact have any sort of grudge against me. But I call into question their beliefs as I am rescuing some poor, bedraggled, shivering puppy that does not even have its eyes fully open from what must seem an impassable gulf of mud and standing water that has separated it from its siblings and mother when an ant (Aints!) crawls into my pants leg. If this were just some random incident out in an open field with no real consequence it would be no bother. But no. I have to crawl under a fucking porch. In the mud. Soaking wet. With at least 4 hours before I can go home and change clothes. That wouldn't be so bad insomuch as the little chitinous bastard doesn't just clamp down on an ankle or calf, he decides that he needs to find the perfect undefended place to take down the Good Samaritan. Which happens to be my taint (I been beset!) Perhaps this is karma. Let's hope. Because I am going to remember this, and when the time comes to pass the baton and it turns out that there stands St. Peter atop the fluffy clouds and the Almighty was in fact responsible, he is going to have a fight on his hands.
A shot of the furballs on a clearer day:
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